Well, I'm still here - have just been TERRIBLE about keeping the blog updated, but once again, I'll make the promise to try to do better! I need to get some pics up and tell you about our beach trip, but this week is a very special week for me, so I wanted to talk about it first. All week I've been saying to Kevin, "This time last year...." and filling in the blank with....I was written out of work, I was put into the hospital, we had no idea what was ahead for us....etc...etc...". Well, this time last year we were in the hospital with really no good idea of when we would have the baby, but not expecting to two days from now! I didn't know how sick I really way and how close we would both come to not making it. Looking back, part of me finds it hard to believe that a year has already gone by, but on the other hand, my life has changed so much, that it is hard to remember the "before".
As I was looking back through some of Peyton's things in his keepsake box, I came across the NICU report of his birth. I'll share with you what it said....
"Peyton's APGARS: 2 at 1 minute, 6 at 5 minutes; At delivery infant was Apneic, cyanotic, depressed and floppy. Infant received stimulation, oxygen, oral suctioning and face mask ventilations. The patient had eviense of perinatal depression, but quickly responded to resuscitation...." - scary stuff!!!
When I was still in the ICU and they were getting ready to move me down to a regular room a couple of days after Peyton was born - Kevin helped me to the bathroom - which was my first time out of bed. My little bathroom backed right up to an OR, and while we were in there, we overheard a baby being born. We heard the doctor says, "It's a girl, or boy - I don't remember which, and everyone was so excited and we heard the baby start crying".... and I was overwhelmed with emotion. I was so sad that no one was in the OR to welcome Peyton into the world and cry tears of joy for him. I was there, but completely under anesthesia, and Kevin wasn't aloud in at the last minute since it turned out to be such an emergency C-section...I cried and Kevin cried too as the reality of this sunk in, combined with our worry for our precious boy who was down in the NICU. And even now, knowing everything that I know, that God had us right where we were supposed to be, and had we not done the emergency section, Peyton would probably have died shortly there after and I most likely would have too. It still makes me sad that we didn't get to experience his birth like we did with Brayden's. Brayden still loves to hear the story of the first time we looked at each other.
But I am so grateful for the beautiful baby boy that was saved on June 30th, 2009 @ 8:31am.....the outcome could have been so different as I've read may times over with other women who have experienced the life-threatening version of Pre-eclampsia called HELLP syndrome. He is a healthy, precious boy that we cannot imagine our lives without now! He is doing fantastic and really seems to be catching up and reaching most of the milestones that other babies his age are doing. Aside from a few minor health issues, I feel pretty much back to normal too. My eyesight will never be the same because of the stroke. I used to take it for granted that I had good vision. It's funny how we never really appreciate things as much as we should until we lose them isn't it! I hope I can remember this lesson in other areas of my life (really all areas of my life!). So, this week as I remember last year, I have so many emotions.....awe, thankfulness, unworthiness, sadness, uncertain, confused....all wrapped up into one event. This year has been difficult for me on different fronts, but I have also learned a lot about myself that I wish I had known many years ago!
I still can't believe my baby will be 1 on Wednesday - that is unreal!!!!
